Joni

It's been awhile since my last post. At first I had neither time nor inclination to do any writing. Then I just dreaded putting down in print the words, for I don't know what - cheapening the experience by trying to express what just feels doesn't have a real description. Then I go back to what I know can do - just tell the truth.

On Wednesday this week my best friend Joni died.

I knew something was wrong a few weeks ago when I couldn't reach her by phone, email or skype for three straight days. Finally when someone picked up her phone, it was her brother, in from Arizona. The cancer had advanced to her brain after behaving somewhat in her spine but starting its journey in her breasts a decade ago. I booked a flight the following day to San Francisco. We spent part of every day together save for one during my 10 day trip. Friends dropped by all the time to visit, bring food, run errands, laugh and love her. I have never been around so much love. It was a week of new life as well. Her upstairs neighbor Shona gave birth to her son Agreen two days before I arrived so visited often with him in the sling. Friend Carly was due that week and gave birth to son Elijah two days after we had a big group homemade meal.

The day before my flight home we said our final goodbyes. Nothing trite or verbose - just love and a few words. She seemed peaceful and unafraid while I was anguished and heartbroken. 10 years, many vacations and our daily lives shared keep running through my mind. The day she told me she had breast cancer when we both worked at Oracle. Trips to Italy, Vegas, Utah, Mexico, Buenos Aires. Walking together in the 3 Day Avon Breast Cancer Walk. Lounging in her sunny apartment on Sunday afternoons with the dogs running round us on a play date. Seeing every new play at the ACT during theater season. Shopping, spa-ing, oogling men. Poking fun at our similarly ridiculous corporate personas.

Tomorrow morning Hugh and I will make a celebration of Joni's life at Rosedal Lake where she enjoyed long walks on her visit last October. I don't know yet what I'll say but I'll bring bright yellow dahlias and freesias.