Friends and thanksgiving

This week marked the return of a semi social life. One of many transformations since Valentina's birth is the friend circle. My closest girlfriends - Gaby, Laura and Judith (all single and childless) keep wondering when I'll be back to our weekly late night dinner/wine events. Judith - farthest from breeding or even monogamous coupling wants to know when I'll be back with the running team. Gaby joined a new adventure running team and has been going on spiritual retreats. Judith went to Club Med Brazil with two other single gals from our running team last week. Laura's been calling 3 times a day wanting to visit and not understanding why I can't make solid plans or why entertaining is more draining than fun. Where does Ambi the tired new mom fit into all of this?

For Thanksgiving, fellow expat and writer friend Amanda invited us to her place for a civilized turkey feast (Photo 3). Three other couples with kids were there. It was the kind of evening I would have abhorred a year a go but it turned out to be fun and a relief. Kids running and crying, adult conversation constantly interrupted, pumping on the go for the first time, Valentina mostly sleeping but then ultimately crying and us making a made dash for the door, two hours spent outside of the house in a semi-normal social setting with our baby - a true milestone and for that and many other blessings, I am thankful.

Yesterday we invited Italian friends Mara and Matijas over for a mate (Photo 1). They brought a huge tub of Persicco gelato and their two month old boy who loved Valentina's swing. We talked about being new parents and life in our adopted country. Later that night we ventured out to friend Brad and Laura's thanksgiving dinner party (Photo 2). I didn't want to go (what if she cries, what if we can't get a cab home in time for me to pump, what if I miss my window for a nightly nap?) but knew they'd be disappointed if we flaked even with the fussy 4 week old as an excuse. Valentina slept through dinner and had a massive crying attack just before dessert so we headed home after a respectable appearance. Brad's testing two new cookie flavors for his business so we indulged in oatmeal raisin and chocolate butterscotch tasties at home.

Where do new moms go? A good friend of mine from San Francisco literally disappeared for 6 months after the birth of her first child. We went from talking every day and seeing eachother a few times a week to nothing for six months. No calls, emails or visits. She had no help and her husband worked long hours. At the time I was incensed and hurt. Now I see...