Sunday afternoon

Tomorrow is the first day of Spring - Dia de la Primavera. Today nature gave us our first taste of sun and warm air. So, we went to lunch with our good friends Carolina and Pablo (they left baby Isabela with Abuela for a change) at a local parrilla for 5 different cuts of beef, a rucula salad and ice cream for dessert. Valen got her first taste of chocolate and for awhile I forgot that my sweet sister just gave birth to her first baby - a boy named Anthony Nicolas Serrano who we won't meet until March next year. We skyped this morning so I could "meet" him virtually (they're still at the hospital) and chat with my mom, Aunt Sea Jai and cousin Elan who had stopped by for a visit. Today I wish we hadn't left. boo hoo

Happiness

Maureen Dowd posts an interesting column in the NY Times today about the declining state of happiness among US women. It got me wondering whether my girlfriends in the states seem happier now with kids or before (studies show we are happier pre-babies). Certainly moms complain a lot more than childless women though maybe its just topic based. My friends without kids kavetch about their bosses, stressful lives, not having enough money or the right relationship. My friends with kids all share a longing for more sleep and more time for themselves.

Last week I took Valen to the English speaking playgroup we attend a few times a month. I'd posted a request for a maid referral on the group site when we fired Rosa so a few of the moms wanted to know how the situation panned out. I explained that we'd received a great recommendation from a mom that recently moved back to the US and was trying to help her maid find a new permanent situation. Also named Rosa, she started last week and things are going well. I'd mentioned that the new Rosa is a better cook than the other. She's from Peru and likes to use fresh herbs and spices. Hello delicious ceviche. One of the moms (just moved to Argentina from NY a few months ago) looked at me with wide eyes and blurted:

She COOKS for you?
Yeah.
Like lunch AND dinner?
Usually, yes.
Then what do YOU do!!!!!??????

(This statement was loaded with so much vitriol and a mosh pit of other hateful sentiments (anger, resentment, envy, disgust, indignation, disbelief, disapproval) that it sucked the air out of me. Then I sputtered..

I take care of the baby...and I teach yoga!

I quickly realized my response was absurd mostly because I did not need to defend my life or priorities to some twit on the playground that demonizes moms with maids. So after a deep breath I followed up with:

Listen, this is why we live here.

Still I fumed about the exchange the rest of the day. Who is this person? Why are women so mean to each other? Why are moms in particular so damn critical? This is a woman who I've met on several occasions on group playdates. She seemed warm and down to earth for the most part. She'd chosen to give up a high paying career in NYC to be a stay at home mom but obviously she had her doubts. Was she happy? I don't know but she's not the only american mom I've heard from that seems to pride herself on doing it all herself - without any help. The martyr syndrome. As if any time for oneself while raising a child is pure evil. What - you hire someone else to vacuum your living room so that you can exercise!? What kind of mother are you? Fifty plus years since Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique and women still form their identities through housework and childrearing. No wonder we're so unhappy.

You're Fired!

In my past life as a corporate wonk, I had the displeasure of firing and laying off more than a few employees. It's the worst part of being in charge. It's the dirty work, the heavy, the bleh. I never got used to it, enjoyed it or numbed myself to the prospect of telling another human being with feelings and expectations of themselves that they were OUT. Usually I fired for poor performance. By the time it came to the final conversation, I'd have months of paper trail to document absenteeism, inadequate reviews, conflicts with peers or an occasional drama. In California, you are an at- will employee but any HR person will tell you you better have good reason and evidence of it before firing someone or you'll(the company) get sued. In my early days as a team manager, a woman suffered a bad breakup and came to work semi-suicidal. Locked herself in the bathroom crying and upsetting everyone within shouting distance. I had to call the employer paid for psychiatric hotline for support on what to do. She didn't get fired for the mental break down but the subsequent performance problems sealed the deal.

I don't miss that part of the working world but even here in Argentina as a mom, yoga teacher and writer I am still someone's "boss". (other than Hugh's haha) Today my employee,our maid/Valen's nanny Rosa got the boot. It was just like all the other firings and layoffs - the serious and perfunctory delivery of the news, the paperwork, the payoff, the signature to assure no future suit, and lastly - tears and a huffy puffy exit. This time Hugh took care of it and I listened apprehensively in the other room with Valen. We agreed that he'd be in charge of getting rid of bad maids if I'd take care of finding new ones. I'm not sure which is harder but I'm glad the first part is over.

Birthday month

My friend Megan sent a birthday message a few weeks ago and commented that I "look generally unplagued by the more pedestrian parental miseries". I guess that's because when in such a state, I'm not prone to take photos of myself nor blog much about it. Let me amend that practice right now. Valen started teething again the first of the month. Her molars are coming in and have been for 4 weeks now. What does this mean? It means she chews her fingers and anything else she can get her hands on during the day and has what Babycenter.com politely refers to as "wakeful irritability" at night. She wakes up two to three times a night and has for nearly a month, every night. Every night. Sometimes she just needs to be held and rocked. Sometimes she'll go back to sleep with a bottle. It's like having a newborn again and I am deep in the abyss of severe sleep deprivation. I'm cross and downright vile in the morning. (The photo is of my great great great grandmother Sarah Anne McNanny - we bear a striking resemblance pre-caffine jolt) Hugh and I have had some douzy exchanges on the occasion that there is no milk (my peeve) or sugar (his) for the coffee. I know it can't last forever but today all I see is a blur of fatigue. Other delightful teething related miseries include daily diarrhea explosions and earaches....yea!


Valen's molar debut also coincided with a significant ramp up in my teaching schedule. I started teaching 8 classes a week (two group and six private lessons) and now know first hand what it feels like to be a busy harried sleep deprived commuting working mom. I love the yoga but miss my baby and no longer find public transportation a quaint opportunity to peoplewatch. September I'll reduce my schedule back to 4 or 5 classes a week.

My birthday came and went with little fanfare. Another August 12th - this time I'm yikes 37 and I honest to god wanted a nap - just one long nap as my gift (I didn't get it - but I'll start Indian cooking lessons next month). I did manage a dinner out with girlfriends Judith and Gaby who are living la vida loca. Judith just got back from a month long trip to Europe where she had several affairs including a threesome. Gaby is dating three different younger men right now and in no rush to settle down. I started nodding off at the table around 11:30pm - frightfully early for this town. Talk about pedestrian....

Dia de los Ninos

Today was Dia de los Ninos - an Argentine invented holiday almost as important (for kids) as their birthdays or Christmas. It's a gift giving occasion so we made like good Portenos and headed to "Cebra" aka ToyrUS yesterday to pick out a gift for our little one. We came home with this car like thingy that Valen can sit in and eventually mosey around the house.

Our friends Carolina/Pablo/baby Isabela and their mother Ana invited us to a special lunch at their apartment. It was hectic with both babies crawling around, fighting over who gets to hold the old Kleenex box and screeching while us adults attempted to converse and eat a delicious meal of Peceto a la Crema (sliced steak in cream sauce), french fries, homemade bread and flan for dessert. It was not a light meal but it hit the spot. After a quick hour and a half, we raced home to put Valen down for her nap. When she woke up we got the mate, thermos and Utta and went across the street to the park to join thousands of other families watch the sun set.

She stands

Within a few days of crawling, she started pulling herself up to standing. She spends most of the day now zooming from one low piece of furniture to the next doing baby squats and developing her bi and triceps. Even bathtime has become just another opportunity to stand and try to climb around.

Our friend Rodrigo has two boys - Alvaro and Estanislau (very traditional Argentine names). Alvaro is 3 1/2 years old and "gifted". He is a voracious reader (especially when something is upside down!) and insists on adult explanations when told "no". To the passerby, he's a novelty and a delight. To his parents, he's a handful and they are already stressed about how to raise him and "cultivate his potential". The experts they've talked to want to put him into 2nd grade already. As for Valen, I am thrilled she is just a normal 9 month old. That I can look in my What to Expect The First Year book and generally see what's coming or what she's already up to.

Utta and the big C

Like an attentive mamma gorilla, Hugh constantly inspects Utta, noticing a rash on the belly, a flea behind her ear, grime under the fold of her nose flap. A few months ago his investigations unearthed a marble like growth on the inside of her cheek. The vet said to keep an eye on it and let her know if it increased in size. Well, it did and another marble appeared on her right leg. About three weeks ago they told us it might be cancer and that she needed to have the both removed. Hugh took her on a myriad of vet visits, consulted with the bulldogger community back in SF and interviewed anesthesiologists. Apparently the protocol for delivering anesthesia to bulldogs has changed (in the US) and Argentina had yet to catch up.

Today at 1:30pm she went under and thank god came back to us. She is resting albeit uncomfortably with a plastic cone around her neck to keep the cheek stitches intact. There is a bandage around her leg but she can walk on it slowly. The surgeon said it went well and they got all the cancer. We can breathe again.