Valentina Alexander

When this Leo married an Aries, she knew they would have their fair share of arguments. Add to inevitable clash of two fire signs, the Aries is an ex-lawyer, former debate champion and the Leo is a first child, fiercely independent, with a tendency to take self-righteous stands on even the least contested of issues…..the naming of their first child seemed a recipe for months of haranging, posturing, focus-group testing and lists of pros and cons.

Instead the name, much like the easy formation of the child came out of nowhere and just stuck. Both were drawn to “V” names. He, because his dearest family member is Vince Lee. She, because, well, no reason.

So, months before she starting wiggling around the womb and growing upwards into mommy’s squished ribcage, she was and still is Valentina – 27 weeks and counting.

A pregnancy scare

The short time I spent in SF included what felt like a years worth of life crammed into 7 nearly sleepless days. Spending time with Joni, visiting storage and packing up 5 suitcases of household items, preparing for the baby shower, visiting family and organizing baby gifts to travel back and being pregnant, emotional and exhausted. The final event started the day I was to fly back to BA.

I woke with symptoms of what appeared to be menstruation (never a good sign when you're 6 months pregnant). After a few teary 7am phone calls to friends and female relatives, Rachel took me to the maternity ER at CPMC. Friend Kristie called ahead and arranged for the doctor that helped her bring 2nd baby Nate into the world just weeks earlier to attend me. They did a thorough exam and sent me upstairs for an ultrasound. Kristie already had plans to be on that same floor visiting Ramesh who gave birth to twins Ariana and Farah two days before. I had to stop by their room for a hello in my hospital gown. When would we all three be together again in this scenario? me, pregnant and in for an out of town emergency, Kristie breast feeding two week old Nate and Ramesh with her brand new girls. Real surreal.

They diagnosed Marginal Placenta Previa - a condition that means for now my placenta is a bit too close for comfort to the cervix. The doc was a bit alarmist and claimed she would ck me in overnight for observation if I were a regular patient of hers but given my situation and desperation to just get and be home, she put me on bedrest for the rest of the day and said I could hop a plane the following day.

The airport scene was chaotic but ultimately manageable. Rach helped with all the heavy bags since I was instructed not to lift a finger. I "carried on" the suburban stroller (which you're only allowed to do if you are traveling with your child). Several flight attendants asked "where's your baby?" to which I replied with an impatient and irritated tone "she had to take an earlier flight with her father!". No one dared inquire further and I made it back to Argentina safely though spent. It was a turning point in this adventure. Already my daughter is the boss of me and I have no choice but to take her needs into account. Slow it down....was the message. And I have.

Showered

The Saturday after I arrived in SF my sis pulled together a aptly girlish afternoon baby shower at a tea house named the Secret Garden. 12 family and friends changed their holiday weekend plans to be there in less than a weeks notice. As a surprise my mom flew up from San Diego that morning and spent the weekend (Rey quickly fled to his brothers pad in Oakland for fear of so much estrogen in the apartment). It was a truly joyous afternoon that came together at just the right time. We nibbled meringue encrusted sandwiches and cranberry scones, sipped vanilla victorian lace teas and many got to know each other for the first time. My mom and aunt CJ especially enjoyed meeting so many of my friends. Then several read stories of their births(or the births of their children). Friend Megan read a poem she wrote about the births of her two children and many closeted writers came out. Lastly I opened gifts and we delighted in ewwing and awwing over tiny pink socks and bunny hats. Yes, that's a photo of me with a double breast pump. Can't wait to get that hooked up ;: I managed to squeeze all of the baby gifts (including a suburban sized stroller) into my luggage for the trip back to BA along with 4 rugs, our drapes, some pots and silverware, linens and our wedding photos. The rest will come with our friend Vaughn when he visits next month. Welcome to the Argentine underground railroad Vaughn....

Something in the Water

A festive night at Joni's with me, Rach, Rey, Joni holding baby Agreen, Carly (baby Elijah in the oven) and momma Shona.

Joni

It's been awhile since my last post. At first I had neither time nor inclination to do any writing. Then I just dreaded putting down in print the words, for I don't know what - cheapening the experience by trying to express what just feels doesn't have a real description. Then I go back to what I know can do - just tell the truth.

On Wednesday this week my best friend Joni died.

I knew something was wrong a few weeks ago when I couldn't reach her by phone, email or skype for three straight days. Finally when someone picked up her phone, it was her brother, in from Arizona. The cancer had advanced to her brain after behaving somewhat in her spine but starting its journey in her breasts a decade ago. I booked a flight the following day to San Francisco. We spent part of every day together save for one during my 10 day trip. Friends dropped by all the time to visit, bring food, run errands, laugh and love her. I have never been around so much love. It was a week of new life as well. Her upstairs neighbor Shona gave birth to her son Agreen two days before I arrived so visited often with him in the sling. Friend Carly was due that week and gave birth to son Elijah two days after we had a big group homemade meal.

The day before my flight home we said our final goodbyes. Nothing trite or verbose - just love and a few words. She seemed peaceful and unafraid while I was anguished and heartbroken. 10 years, many vacations and our daily lives shared keep running through my mind. The day she told me she had breast cancer when we both worked at Oracle. Trips to Italy, Vegas, Utah, Mexico, Buenos Aires. Walking together in the 3 Day Avon Breast Cancer Walk. Lounging in her sunny apartment on Sunday afternoons with the dogs running round us on a play date. Seeing every new play at the ACT during theater season. Shopping, spa-ing, oogling men. Poking fun at our similarly ridiculous corporate personas.

Tomorrow morning Hugh and I will make a celebration of Joni's life at Rosedal Lake where she enjoyed long walks on her visit last October. I don't know yet what I'll say but I'll bring bright yellow dahlias and freesias.

Baby Brain

Last Friday Hugh and I were walking Utta around Rosedal lake and noticed something unusual. Bumper to bumper traffic along all three main arteries out of the city. Yes, it was friday. Yes, it was a 3 day weekend. But come on. This was odd. It was yet another series of road blockades as part of the three month long farmers protest against the new taxes imposed by Presidenta Kristina Kirchner. Over 30 blockades preventing access to every major autopista in the country. Good thing we axed plans to head out of town. Noone was going nowhere fast.

Sunday evening the boom of pots and pans clanging together, horns honking and protesters marching filled the typically tranquil skies. The melody continued for 20 or 30 minutes, getting angrier and louder by the minute. Every balcony from our window's view had at least one or two people on it banging away. I guess we missed the email announcement on this one.

The tension and frustration is palpable. All of my Argentine friends and acquaintances (and strangers, taxi drivers, deliverymen) whale on about it. They use words like "disaster", "worse than a dictatorship", "face of a witch" (reference to the President - "cara de bruja". It's serious enough that when our next door neighbors (americans living here for 6 months) considered buying an apartment, the real estate agent (risking lost commission) urged them to put their money elsewhere. "don't invest here now" she warned. "things are going to get a lot worse and you do not want your money in Argentina when it does".

Meanwhile back on planet Baby, I dream of butterflies and unicorns, paint in cheery tones of turquoise and cantaloupe, hum to myself and pet my belly all day. Sunday I spent the afternoon painting. I've graduated to canvas and am working on different kinds of brushstroke techniques. That evening while the whole of the outside world raged with wooden spoons, cast iron skillets and clenched fists, I perused and subsequently got lost on Babiesrus.com. After peeling my eyes away from the 30 different varieties of breast pump, I registered for the essentials so that friends and family could partake in a Virtual Babyshower. Ok, that pint-sized yoga sticky mat probably falls outside the "essentials" category but HOW CUTE! I had to include it. Its not that I don't care or worry about the situation and how it will be resolved. We are affected. Our groceries are more expensive. We canceled a weekend trip to Rosario because the roads were all closed. Our friends and neighbors talk of nothing else. but....There's a happy hormone running through my veins, clearly immune to the nonstop chaos, misery and injustice in this country and our own. I guess nature planned it that way so that each species would survive. I'm just doing my part.

The Party's Over

Rachel and Rey fly home today. They spent a month in total here for the wedding festivities and honeymoon. Aside from their 4 day trip to Iguazu Falls, we've seen them every day. One night Rey made us Panzit (Filipino noodle dish) from the ingredients we found in Chinatown. Last weekend we rented a car to explore some of the more residential neighborhoods and wealthy suburbs north of the city. Then we took a boat tour around the islands of Tigre. It will be a rough adjustment for me no doubt tomorrow. Its been so nice having my sister so close (they rented an apt across the street), sharing daily mates and the routine of cooking meals and walking the dogs.

Tomorrow its a blank slate again. No more wedding to plan. No more visitors to entertain. Just me and my burgeoning belly hunkering down for the long cold winter. I'm wearing my warmest wool coat in the evenings now. Scarves and mittens too. I've outgrown most of my regular jeans and final appear as pregnant as I feel. In pictures of me I notice my face getting rounder and rounder like a red apple.

Last week we had the 20 week ultrasound and found out its a girl. Well, I've known since week 4 or 5. Call it mothers intuition or whatever but she has always been a she to me. She also started moving last week. The first feeling was very exciting - more of a flutter than a kick. But now she is active all day long. In the mornings before I get out of bed is when I can feel her the most. At first Hugh looked terrified to touch my belly like an alien might pop out but he is settling in to the idea a bit more each day.